Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Drake has all the answers
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
