i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
