In the future we'll all be gay
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You left your phone here
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