Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
