I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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