I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
