I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
