I smell stomach acid.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize