Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
