I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
