that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
