worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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