He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
the night ended with taco bell and tears
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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