Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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