I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
