Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
