I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
