We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
