are you still at the devil's house?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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