Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
