Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
