So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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