and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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