well most of my day revolves around power hour
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
