ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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