I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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