Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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