watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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