Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize