Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
