I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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