yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
