well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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