brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
