This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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