my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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