I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
