is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Who died my cat blue again?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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