My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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