The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
