Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
