We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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