At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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