i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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