I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it's like iHOP with fire
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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