do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
