Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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