My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
