I didn't shave. On purpose
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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