grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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