i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
