I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize