Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
