Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
