just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
