In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
