I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
