Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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