his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
