I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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