Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
