yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize