I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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