i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
