she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
