spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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