She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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