yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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