my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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