Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
