i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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