let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
