I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
