im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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