I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
