I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
